in love

after so many weeks of having my days destroyed by the inevitable squalls of motherhood i began thinking about what my perfect everyday would be. and by “destroyed” i mean, having a baby requires so much attention and love and obligation and time it’s nearly impossible to tend to the duty-part of life; work/bills/clean/bath/etc. at the end of the day i felt slightly unaccomplished and half a person. and tired.

this morning i woke up not at the time i had planned, but quickly and still early. i made coffee, breakfast and curious george, packed the boy’s lunch, dressed us both, washed faces, brushed teeth. computer on, dog out. i took the little darling to school.

when i came back there was the task of choosing the music for the day. full albums, no playlists.

1. regina spektor (nice energy-filled piano wake-up)

2. tsu shi ma mi re (amazing japanese girl band i saw in denton. never fails to make me smile.)

3. sondre lerche (thinking, swaying, productive)

i edited slowly. but, i edited. (am editing … ) i’m going for lunch later with a co-worker. i’m going to work out this hard drive i purchased with the wrong port. i’m going to finish some folders and be caught up on something. dirty laundry pile is shrinking. movie tonight with friends.

and it’s now that i am realizing that, thanks to the valuable pre-school, my son is happy and learning and successful which feels completely amazing to me. (fulfilled children=fulfilled parents) which leaves me this moment. the beginning of that perfect day i’ve been talking about.  i was so busy doing it i almost missed the realization.

at 28, everything still amazes me. everything. everything.

still, little is more enchanting to me than watching a flock of blackbirds navigate the sky.

still, rain is more than natures drops from the sky, it is an enveloping welcome feeling.

i’m still comfortable letting things validate themselves instead of insulting the idea by throwing words to it out loud.

to just be and be human and to wallow and to look forward to the beginning of every new hour …

i think i’m in love with living.